Anyone who knows me know that I do not like to eat leftovers. It is painful for me to have to survive on the same dish for several meals in a row. OK, so that may be overstating things, but I would definitely prefer to eat cereal for dinner than leftovers. I know. I get bored so easily that I struggle with leftovers. That seems a bit ridiculous but there it is, none the less.
The other day, I was perusing through my Facebook page, as I often do, and a friends status jumped out at me. She had written down John 6:12-13 as her status. I couldn't tell you what the rest of her status said, but the following stood out: "After everyone was full, Jesus told his disciples, 'Now gather the leftovers, so that nothing is wasted.' So they picked up the pieces and filled twelve baskets with scraps left by the people who had eaten from the five barley loaves."
These verses, of course, come from the retelling of the sermon on the mount--one of the most well known stories from Jesus' ministry. As I sat there, letting my mind ponder the amazingness of these verses, I kept thinking how amazing it is--out of so little given, there was so much left over. And that is how it is in my life.
When I look at my life, I stress out so much over the bills (sometimes rightly so!), over having "enough," or running out of something that I forget this one truth: God can make a meager scrap go beyond my wildest imaginings, with leftovers.
Earlier in John 6, the story tells of Jesus asking Phillip where they can get enough bread to provide for the huge crowd that followed them. Jesus already knew of the offering that was being brought forward and the pure heart of the child who was offering it to him. Jesus wanted to see what Phillip's reaction was going to be. And guess what?! Phillip's reaction was exactly what mine would have been--he said (v. 7), "Even if we work for months, we wouldn't have enough money to feed them." Phillip looked at the situation with the perspective of an overwhelmed (and probably harried!) provider. He seems a bit of a pessimist, if you ask me!
Andrew was a little better, though not much! Andrew brings the child to Jesus with the 5 loaves and 2 fish, but says (v. 9), "There's a young boy here with five barley loaves and two fish. But what good is that with this huge crowd?" Andrew brought a solution to his Lord, but didn't have the faith to see beyond the physical limitations. If Phillip is a defeatist, then Andrew is more of a realist.
I look at the reaction of Phillip and Andrew and can't help but wonder of their reactions are our most common reactions we have when we come across a seemingly insurmountable problem. Do we react with defeat and wonder how God can turn what I am holding into enough, like Phillip? Or, do we look at the world through the eyes of Andrew and see the physical limitations of what we have to offer?
Jesus, knowing how both Phillip and Andrew would react, took the small offering and gave thanks with a humble heart. John doesn't go into the prayer Jesus prayed, but I am fairly certain it was heart felt and genuine. After he gave thanks, Jesus instructed the disciples to pass out the food to the people on the hill. Can you imagine the looks of shock on the disciples faces as they got to the end of the rows, expecting an empty basket, but finding a basket that was full, none the less? Priceless, I am sure.
Then, when Jesus asked the disciples to go and gather what was left over, they found that there was more left over than there was to begin with. I bet there were a lot of minds blown that day.
In my life, when I look at what I have been blessed with--my meager 5 loaves and 2 fish, how do I react? Do I worry and stress out over the limitations of what I have been given? Do I show God what I have but not trust in His ability to make it enough? Or do I humbly pray, offering my genuine thanks for the blessings I am holding, and ask God to make it enough?
I don't need to worry about how to make my dollar go a bit further, or how to make my time last long. By praying with thankfulness and through faith, instead of struggling to be self-sufficient, God can make a meager scrap go beyond my wildest imaginings, with leftovers. Thankfully. Blessedly. Assuredly.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Thursday, July 15, 2010
My Life in 5 Words...
So you've heard about these--sum up your life in 5 words. It's harder than it appears. here is my feeble attempt at it. Of course, I had to try more than one because 5 words just isn't enough room! ;)
Wandering feet leading me home.
Seeker seeking the perfect plan.
Uhm... It's too late... What is your 5 word life summary?
Wandering feet leading me home.
Seeker seeking the perfect plan.
Uhm... It's too late... What is your 5 word life summary?
I love Kent, from Wapakoneta...
So those of you who know me know that I am secretly addicted to broadway musicals and I LOVE a good dance number. Oh, and that I LOVE So You Think You Can Dance. I have watched devotedly since season 2. I caught snippets of season 1 in Korea, but it wasn’t until season two and Benji that I started watching regularly. Now I can’t stop!
This season, there is this cute little kid from Wapakoneta, Ohio named Kent Boyd. I knew from the get-go that I LOVED Kent. How could you not? He is infectiously happy. He radiates joy and happiness from every pore. He is just so darn cute that he makes me want to dance. Any of you who have seen me dance know that is a scary thing.
So, I love Kent. I loved him even more when he said that the person he looked up to most was his brother, who was going to be a youth minister. Then, I loved him best when I read a quote he made. When asked what he hoped to gain from the experience of performing weekly on So You Think You Can Dance, he responded, “To change as a dancer but not as a person.” Wow. I had to remind myself that he is just 18 years old. Such wise sentiments from such a young kid.
His goal is to live in the world but not be of the world, or not allow the experiences of the world to change who he was created to be(fearfully and wonderfully created, according to Psalm 139:14). Or at least that is my spin on what he said. Though he has never come out and said it, I believe that Kent loves Jesus. It kind of makes sense--he’s one of the most joyful people I have ever seen and supremely gifted. Both of those don’t come from the world or from yourself. Those are gifts only God can bestow. Now, he can be a great dancer and not love Jesus--lots of those are out there, but I just have a hunch. I think this boy loves Jesus...
As I read his quote, I started thinking--do I want to be in the world but not of the world? That’s something I ponder regularly--especially when I find myself caught up in selfish ambition and prideful boasting. But, the second part--do I allow the experiences of the world change who I was created to be? Do I allow the world to change my identity in Christ? In my struggles do I rejoice? In my repentance do I give thanks? In my lowest of my lows do I say that it is well with my soul? (Though sometimes it’s even harder to give thanks on the mountain top--because we don’t see the need. Sometimes it’s harder to rejoice in the blessings or be content with the gifts we’ve been given--because it’s in our need that we see our inadequacies. But that’s another blog, I think!)
Do I allow my circumstances determine my worth and therefore devalue the purpose for which I was created?
Out of the mouth of babes... Now, I know Kent was not necessarily referring to his Christian life when he said that he wanted to be a better dancer but not change who he was as a person... But what a beautiful parallel we can draw.
We cannot change our circumstances only our reactions to them. I don’t know where I heard that, but whoever said it was pretty smart. We cannot change what life throws at us, but we can say that no matter what falls in our paths we will choose to honor the holy purpose given to us by God. We can learn a lot from our world. However, we don’t have to let the world change our identity in Christ.
My prayer for today (and the next, and the next...and the next...) is that I will live in this world and learn as much as I can while remaining true to my calling. To remember that my purpose doesn’t change because my circumstances change. To remember to give thanks for the bad... and the good. And to pray that the world doesn’t change me, but rather God’s hands mold me, prune me, sculpt me.
This season, there is this cute little kid from Wapakoneta, Ohio named Kent Boyd. I knew from the get-go that I LOVED Kent. How could you not? He is infectiously happy. He radiates joy and happiness from every pore. He is just so darn cute that he makes me want to dance. Any of you who have seen me dance know that is a scary thing.
So, I love Kent. I loved him even more when he said that the person he looked up to most was his brother, who was going to be a youth minister. Then, I loved him best when I read a quote he made. When asked what he hoped to gain from the experience of performing weekly on So You Think You Can Dance, he responded, “To change as a dancer but not as a person.” Wow. I had to remind myself that he is just 18 years old. Such wise sentiments from such a young kid.
His goal is to live in the world but not be of the world, or not allow the experiences of the world to change who he was created to be(fearfully and wonderfully created, according to Psalm 139:14). Or at least that is my spin on what he said. Though he has never come out and said it, I believe that Kent loves Jesus. It kind of makes sense--he’s one of the most joyful people I have ever seen and supremely gifted. Both of those don’t come from the world or from yourself. Those are gifts only God can bestow. Now, he can be a great dancer and not love Jesus--lots of those are out there, but I just have a hunch. I think this boy loves Jesus...
As I read his quote, I started thinking--do I want to be in the world but not of the world? That’s something I ponder regularly--especially when I find myself caught up in selfish ambition and prideful boasting. But, the second part--do I allow the experiences of the world change who I was created to be? Do I allow the world to change my identity in Christ? In my struggles do I rejoice? In my repentance do I give thanks? In my lowest of my lows do I say that it is well with my soul? (Though sometimes it’s even harder to give thanks on the mountain top--because we don’t see the need. Sometimes it’s harder to rejoice in the blessings or be content with the gifts we’ve been given--because it’s in our need that we see our inadequacies. But that’s another blog, I think!)
Do I allow my circumstances determine my worth and therefore devalue the purpose for which I was created?
Out of the mouth of babes... Now, I know Kent was not necessarily referring to his Christian life when he said that he wanted to be a better dancer but not change who he was as a person... But what a beautiful parallel we can draw.
We cannot change our circumstances only our reactions to them. I don’t know where I heard that, but whoever said it was pretty smart. We cannot change what life throws at us, but we can say that no matter what falls in our paths we will choose to honor the holy purpose given to us by God. We can learn a lot from our world. However, we don’t have to let the world change our identity in Christ.
My prayer for today (and the next, and the next...and the next...) is that I will live in this world and learn as much as I can while remaining true to my calling. To remember that my purpose doesn’t change because my circumstances change. To remember to give thanks for the bad... and the good. And to pray that the world doesn’t change me, but rather God’s hands mold me, prune me, sculpt me.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
The Prodigal Journey
This isn't my most recent writing--but this is one I posted on a different site and feel the need to post it here... It ties so closely to the post I just wrote...
We all know the story of the prodigal son—it is such a beautiful picture of God and of his unyielding love for us. He never stops waiting at the door for us to return. He always welcomes us home. He runs to greet us with open arms.
I cry just about every time I read that story. I love the simple beauty of it all. But as I was reflecting on this story today, I had a thought… What about the journey the prodigal son took to get home to his father? In the parable, recorded in Luke, Jesus doesn't tell us what happened between the pigsty epiphany and the reunion of father and son. It just says that the son got up and went.
So what was this prodigal journey like?
I have quite the imagination, so as I ponder this question, I have a mental image of the son, setting out on this journey, dressed in rags, weak from hunger, and in general, in bad shape. Knowing what I know about Jesus' day, I am fairly certain that there were no sidewalks for him to walk along, and he had to maneuver through roads that today would be called wild terrain. I imagine a "road" that was narrow, filled with rocks and animal manure, and probably with trees with thorns. Again—that could just be my imagination.
As he walked along this "road," (again, I hesitate to call it a road in our sense of the word) I think of him stumbling from weakness, and probably falling flat on his face on more than one occasion. His hair was probably matted with dirt (and who knows what else!) but he didn't care. No matter how many times he fell and no matter how terrible he looked, he kept putting one foot in front of the other out of hope, but probably surrounded by a little fear, too. I am sure he prayed every step of the way that his father's heart would be softened towards his wayward son and that his father would show him an ounce of undeserved mercy. I imagine that in his mind, he was asking for more than he ever thought he would get--he was praying for more than he ever hoped to get.
And when he finally got close to home, it happened. His father saw him, and ran to greet him. Again, my imagination runs away from me sometimes, but I imagine the son sagging into his father's arms. I see him collapsing, and relying on his father to hold him up. The journey was hard, and now that he is home, he is going to let his father take care of him—clothe him, nourish him, and give him rest. I also see tears--of joy, relief, love, and of sorrow. Yes--sorrow. The father mourned the entire time his son was gone and now that he was returned to the fold, he cried tears for the pain, suffering and sadness his son had experienced. And held him even closer.
The son in this story had strayed so far—so far, in fact, that I am sure he never thought he would see his father again. And there he sat in the mire and muck that is a pigsty. (Not that I would know, because let's face it, those of you who know me know that I would never end up in/near/around a pigsty.) And it hit him—the son thought, "I don't HAVE to be here. I have a perfectly good home with a father who loves me. What am I doing here?" So without a second thought, he got up and set out for home, hopeful to be the lowest of servants in his father's household. It reminds me of that praise song--better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere.
And here is where it gets hard. The journey for the son could not have been easy. The story doesn't say he saved up some money from his job, or that he went home and got provisions. It says he got up and went. No looking back. Determined.
And as I said earlier, I don't imagine the road home was an easy road. Each rock that caused him to stumble was a consequence for his choices. Each time he fell from weakness–that was a consequence. Each thorn that cut his flesh, each rock that cut his foot, and each ghost that whispered failure in his ear were consequences to be endured. The scars of his journey were evident.
As I jave walked my own prodigal journey, I am reminded of the consequences of my actions. Not just my sin, but my actions, too. Everything I do—each of my actions, has an equal and opposite reaction. (Shout out to Mr. Pace—my high school physical science teacher…) The journey that I face as I walk back to my Father is wrought with consequences—the consequences of my choices. Some of them are good—but some of them aren't. And like the prodigal son's journey, my journey will end with open arms pulling me closer.
I read a quote today that struck me. It was by, of all people, Leonardo DiCaprio. He said, "We're all after love, aren't we? Love is what people are hungry for." Love is what people are hungry for… I totally agree with that statement. But the love people are hungry for isn't on this earth—it is in the open arms of the Father—waiting for us to return from our individual prodigal journeys.
We all know the story of the prodigal son—it is such a beautiful picture of God and of his unyielding love for us. He never stops waiting at the door for us to return. He always welcomes us home. He runs to greet us with open arms.
I cry just about every time I read that story. I love the simple beauty of it all. But as I was reflecting on this story today, I had a thought… What about the journey the prodigal son took to get home to his father? In the parable, recorded in Luke, Jesus doesn't tell us what happened between the pigsty epiphany and the reunion of father and son. It just says that the son got up and went.
So what was this prodigal journey like?
I have quite the imagination, so as I ponder this question, I have a mental image of the son, setting out on this journey, dressed in rags, weak from hunger, and in general, in bad shape. Knowing what I know about Jesus' day, I am fairly certain that there were no sidewalks for him to walk along, and he had to maneuver through roads that today would be called wild terrain. I imagine a "road" that was narrow, filled with rocks and animal manure, and probably with trees with thorns. Again—that could just be my imagination.
As he walked along this "road," (again, I hesitate to call it a road in our sense of the word) I think of him stumbling from weakness, and probably falling flat on his face on more than one occasion. His hair was probably matted with dirt (and who knows what else!) but he didn't care. No matter how many times he fell and no matter how terrible he looked, he kept putting one foot in front of the other out of hope, but probably surrounded by a little fear, too. I am sure he prayed every step of the way that his father's heart would be softened towards his wayward son and that his father would show him an ounce of undeserved mercy. I imagine that in his mind, he was asking for more than he ever thought he would get--he was praying for more than he ever hoped to get.
And when he finally got close to home, it happened. His father saw him, and ran to greet him. Again, my imagination runs away from me sometimes, but I imagine the son sagging into his father's arms. I see him collapsing, and relying on his father to hold him up. The journey was hard, and now that he is home, he is going to let his father take care of him—clothe him, nourish him, and give him rest. I also see tears--of joy, relief, love, and of sorrow. Yes--sorrow. The father mourned the entire time his son was gone and now that he was returned to the fold, he cried tears for the pain, suffering and sadness his son had experienced. And held him even closer.
The son in this story had strayed so far—so far, in fact, that I am sure he never thought he would see his father again. And there he sat in the mire and muck that is a pigsty. (Not that I would know, because let's face it, those of you who know me know that I would never end up in/near/around a pigsty.) And it hit him—the son thought, "I don't HAVE to be here. I have a perfectly good home with a father who loves me. What am I doing here?" So without a second thought, he got up and set out for home, hopeful to be the lowest of servants in his father's household. It reminds me of that praise song--better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere.
And here is where it gets hard. The journey for the son could not have been easy. The story doesn't say he saved up some money from his job, or that he went home and got provisions. It says he got up and went. No looking back. Determined.
And as I said earlier, I don't imagine the road home was an easy road. Each rock that caused him to stumble was a consequence for his choices. Each time he fell from weakness–that was a consequence. Each thorn that cut his flesh, each rock that cut his foot, and each ghost that whispered failure in his ear were consequences to be endured. The scars of his journey were evident.
As I jave walked my own prodigal journey, I am reminded of the consequences of my actions. Not just my sin, but my actions, too. Everything I do—each of my actions, has an equal and opposite reaction. (Shout out to Mr. Pace—my high school physical science teacher…) The journey that I face as I walk back to my Father is wrought with consequences—the consequences of my choices. Some of them are good—but some of them aren't. And like the prodigal son's journey, my journey will end with open arms pulling me closer.
I read a quote today that struck me. It was by, of all people, Leonardo DiCaprio. He said, "We're all after love, aren't we? Love is what people are hungry for." Love is what people are hungry for… I totally agree with that statement. But the love people are hungry for isn't on this earth—it is in the open arms of the Father—waiting for us to return from our individual prodigal journeys.
Big Foot Sightings
This blog is about the affects of prayer and how powerful prayer is. Satan HATES prayer. He hates open communication. He hates truth. He lives in darkness, deceit and lies. And prayer is the opposite of those things. And when we seek God through prayer... well... read on and see my thoughts on that!
OK, so we have ALL seen the clips on TV--the redneck on the local news who has spotted Big Foot in his back yard. Usually, he’s missing a tooth or two and clearly grammar was not something he learned during is “formal learnin’.” Without embarrassment or shame, he tells the story of the creature that invaded his property that couldn’t have been anything but a Big Foot. And he believes what he’s seen. We do that as Christians--we come up with an idea about God that we think is true--we are either bound to this idea culturally or denominationally, but in reality, we have missed the bulls-eye.
I wish I had come up with the idea of spiritual big foots on my own, but I must give credit where credit is due. In church last Sunday, my pastor, Les, spoke about Christian Urban Legends, or Christian Big Foot sightings. He said that there are these ideas out there about God that sound true, and can even be somewhat confirmed through various scriptures, but when you get below the surface of that scripture, you find that what you thought you knew, was actually a spiritual big foot. This last week, he debunked the myth that God wants us to be happy. Nope--God doesn’t want us to be happy. He wants us to be Holy. Two different games altogether.
So I have been thinking all week about spiritual big foots in my life and I think I have come up with one. I have always thought that sin consequences eventually fade, for the most part. But I don’t think that’s always true. There are some sins that do chase us from the moment of inception to our graves, but Satan also uses them as a foot hold--a chink in our armor, so to speak. He sees where we have stumbled before, and puts that in his file-o-fax for later reference. But here is where I struggle--does Satan using that sin later in your life constitute a consequence? Your ideas are welcome on that question...
About a year ago, I made a poor choice in a dating relationship--this guy was great, but he didn’t really know God. He knew the right words to say, but the meaning was very different to him than it was to my beliefs about God. So, I ended it, eventually! Actually, I ended it sooner rather than later, but that’s not the point of this blog. We dated for a few weeks and then I came to my senses! So, over the course of the past year, I have dealt in varying forms the consequences of dating the wrong person and a broken heart.
Well, recently he showed back up in my life. I remember telling Benita, “It’s my fault--I knew that when I opened that door a year ago, I was in for trouble, and I am paying the price still today...” Maybe. But perhaps Satan had found me in a vulnerable time and said “insert boy here!” And I was in a terrible place--and still am in some respects, but not as terrible as I think!--and my faith was teetering on the edge. Now, I am not saying I was about to turn and walk away from God, but I was about to make a huge mistake (which I was saved from) and the stress of the situation was causing a delay in communication with God. I thought I knew what He wanted and was pursuing it, only to find I wasn’t listening as closely as I ought.
So Satan comes along--because he always does--and thinks to himself, “What can I do to get just a little wedge between Jenny and her Savior, Rock, and Refuge? Oh--I know...” and enter the text message from hell. Literally. It was innocent, just a hey, how are you doing type thing. It escalated some from there--we chatted for a few days fairly regularly. Nothing romantic, just a friendly conversation. Then, I melted down. And my ears (literally and figuratively!) opened to God’s will and I was free from that particular burden.
I didn’t make the connection between the text message from hell and my internal emotional turmoil, but it was there. Rather than focusing on discerning God’s will for my life, I was focusing on my phone. Rather than seeking God’s attention and direction I was seeking attention from the boy. And faster than you can say suffering succotash, Satan had distracted me from my purposeful and earnest prayer. In this case, my former sin wasn’t necessarily sending me another consequence as much as Satan was all over me, full force, using my old sin as the platform from which to jump.
Now, I am not saying that my old sin wasn’t the cause of this, but I am not entirely sure it was. Boy didn't text because of my old sin, Satan used that old sin to try to wedge in between me and God. I have gotten things right with God and made the decision He has for my life and suddenly, the text messages have stopped. It was the sudden cease and desist of text messages that got me to wondering about this whole consequences of sin vs. the trickery of the deceitful one. Do I think that I would have heard from this person had I not been in the turmoil I was in? I honestly don’t think so. I think Satan pulled out his Cooper file and said to himself, “What is the quickest way to distract her?” and pulled out the boy card. And it worked--for a while.
But, the great thing about God is that he doesn’t give up--ever. He didn’t give up when Satan had my undivided attention. He won’t give up when Satan pulls another file out of my milk crate of file folders. James 1:17 says that God is CONSTANT. He is unchanging... It says, “Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow.” Lights. No variation. No shifting shadow. How could Satan work if he didn’t change minute by minute and hide in the dark shadows?
God sent Jesus to die on the cross to save me. To save you. Philippians 2:8 says, “ Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” God’s love extended to the cross--even to death on the cross! And His grace extends even farther... Thankfully!
OK, so we have ALL seen the clips on TV--the redneck on the local news who has spotted Big Foot in his back yard. Usually, he’s missing a tooth or two and clearly grammar was not something he learned during is “formal learnin’.” Without embarrassment or shame, he tells the story of the creature that invaded his property that couldn’t have been anything but a Big Foot. And he believes what he’s seen. We do that as Christians--we come up with an idea about God that we think is true--we are either bound to this idea culturally or denominationally, but in reality, we have missed the bulls-eye.
I wish I had come up with the idea of spiritual big foots on my own, but I must give credit where credit is due. In church last Sunday, my pastor, Les, spoke about Christian Urban Legends, or Christian Big Foot sightings. He said that there are these ideas out there about God that sound true, and can even be somewhat confirmed through various scriptures, but when you get below the surface of that scripture, you find that what you thought you knew, was actually a spiritual big foot. This last week, he debunked the myth that God wants us to be happy. Nope--God doesn’t want us to be happy. He wants us to be Holy. Two different games altogether.
So I have been thinking all week about spiritual big foots in my life and I think I have come up with one. I have always thought that sin consequences eventually fade, for the most part. But I don’t think that’s always true. There are some sins that do chase us from the moment of inception to our graves, but Satan also uses them as a foot hold--a chink in our armor, so to speak. He sees where we have stumbled before, and puts that in his file-o-fax for later reference. But here is where I struggle--does Satan using that sin later in your life constitute a consequence? Your ideas are welcome on that question...
About a year ago, I made a poor choice in a dating relationship--this guy was great, but he didn’t really know God. He knew the right words to say, but the meaning was very different to him than it was to my beliefs about God. So, I ended it, eventually! Actually, I ended it sooner rather than later, but that’s not the point of this blog. We dated for a few weeks and then I came to my senses! So, over the course of the past year, I have dealt in varying forms the consequences of dating the wrong person and a broken heart.
Well, recently he showed back up in my life. I remember telling Benita, “It’s my fault--I knew that when I opened that door a year ago, I was in for trouble, and I am paying the price still today...” Maybe. But perhaps Satan had found me in a vulnerable time and said “insert boy here!” And I was in a terrible place--and still am in some respects, but not as terrible as I think!--and my faith was teetering on the edge. Now, I am not saying I was about to turn and walk away from God, but I was about to make a huge mistake (which I was saved from) and the stress of the situation was causing a delay in communication with God. I thought I knew what He wanted and was pursuing it, only to find I wasn’t listening as closely as I ought.
So Satan comes along--because he always does--and thinks to himself, “What can I do to get just a little wedge between Jenny and her Savior, Rock, and Refuge? Oh--I know...” and enter the text message from hell. Literally. It was innocent, just a hey, how are you doing type thing. It escalated some from there--we chatted for a few days fairly regularly. Nothing romantic, just a friendly conversation. Then, I melted down. And my ears (literally and figuratively!) opened to God’s will and I was free from that particular burden.
I didn’t make the connection between the text message from hell and my internal emotional turmoil, but it was there. Rather than focusing on discerning God’s will for my life, I was focusing on my phone. Rather than seeking God’s attention and direction I was seeking attention from the boy. And faster than you can say suffering succotash, Satan had distracted me from my purposeful and earnest prayer. In this case, my former sin wasn’t necessarily sending me another consequence as much as Satan was all over me, full force, using my old sin as the platform from which to jump.
Now, I am not saying that my old sin wasn’t the cause of this, but I am not entirely sure it was. Boy didn't text because of my old sin, Satan used that old sin to try to wedge in between me and God. I have gotten things right with God and made the decision He has for my life and suddenly, the text messages have stopped. It was the sudden cease and desist of text messages that got me to wondering about this whole consequences of sin vs. the trickery of the deceitful one. Do I think that I would have heard from this person had I not been in the turmoil I was in? I honestly don’t think so. I think Satan pulled out his Cooper file and said to himself, “What is the quickest way to distract her?” and pulled out the boy card. And it worked--for a while.
But, the great thing about God is that he doesn’t give up--ever. He didn’t give up when Satan had my undivided attention. He won’t give up when Satan pulls another file out of my milk crate of file folders. James 1:17 says that God is CONSTANT. He is unchanging... It says, “Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow.” Lights. No variation. No shifting shadow. How could Satan work if he didn’t change minute by minute and hide in the dark shadows?
God sent Jesus to die on the cross to save me. To save you. Philippians 2:8 says, “ Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” God’s love extended to the cross--even to death on the cross! And His grace extends even farther... Thankfully!
Sunday, June 27, 2010
5-10 Minutes
Today, I woke up with a mission, a direction and a purpose. It all crumbled around 2:30 this afternoon. I went to church at Westwood and knew God was going to speak, but I wasn’t sure how. To say that I was up-ended is an understatement.
Last week, my mom had heart surgery. She has lived with her heart in constant a-fib for about the last 12 years or so. Her heart was beating so fast and out of rhythm, I imagine it was like running full speed everyday. All day. Finally she and her doctor decided enough was enough. She went in on Wednesday morning and came out with a new pace maker. There were lots of other more complex things that happened, but I will save those for another day!
When the surgery was over, her doctor, Dr. Hanna, came into the room and said that she did great (we knew she would!) and that she would be back in the room in 5-10 minutes. So, we anxiously waited. And waited. And sent out the requisite emails and text messages to family. And waited some more. Two hours later, they rolled her into the room, still quite drowsy-drunk from the anesthesia. I jokingly said that she was definitely here in 5-10 minutes--we just didn’t know when to start the count down!
I felt like that a lot this month. I’ve been waiting--waiting for God to answer--and I knew He was going to do it, I just didn’t know when. Apparently, my 5-10 minutes were up today @ 2:30 (give or take!). I lost my job. OK, I know where it is, so I didn’t actually lose it. It was taken from me. Without my permission and definitely without my cooperation. And in fear, I jumped on the first thing that came my way. In Budapest. Hungary. In Europe. And the process, at first, went really quickly. Before I knew it, I was being sent a contract in the mail. Fortunately, they require a face to face interview before hiring a prospective teacher. I couldn’t go there, and they couldn’t get here until this week. Tomorrow, to be exact. Without realizing it, God gave me the gift of time--He gave me my 5-10 minutes.
I have had a month to agonize over this decision. I have prayed. I have asked my family to pray. I have asked my friends to pray. I have read God’s word. I finally made a decision. I was going to go. Pack my bags, park Wally over at my parents until he could travel and I was off. Except I wasn’t feeling OK about it. I didn’t feel good about this decision. But I justified that it MUST be what God wants--it is the only door open to me. I have to pursue it since it is available. But I still didn’t want to tell anyone about it. I wasn’t ready. When asked by a friend about why I wanted to go, I told her it was because someone finally appreciated me. Really? So my 30 pieces of silver is appreciation?
So today at 2:30, I was on my way home from Sunday dinner and I was all of a sudden over come with unease. That is too weak a term for it, but that is what it was, just a LOT stronger. I just knew out of nowhere that I was about to make a terrible mistake. I felt like I was having a panic attack. I was crying (which for those of you who know me know that isn’t a big deal!) and I was doubting everything. I knew, in an instant, that I was about to make a huge mistake. God’s timing was perfect--he came in just the nick of time.
So I got home and called my mom. We talked for over 40 minutes. She kept telling me to seek God. I kept saying that all I wanted was to follow the path of obedience. But I don’t know what that path looks like for me. It has been the most agonizing afternoon of my life--the end the most agonizing month of my life. I have not been at peace--true peace--the Philippians 4:6-7 peace in a while. So I started to look at those verses and write it out using additional words to help me understand better what God is saying. My friend Ramsi challenged me to do this a while ago--it took some getting to! So here is Philippians 4:6-7:
6: Without delay (immediately!), be anxious, worried, fretful, or concerned for nothing--NOT EVEN ONE THING--but in everything by prayer--praying earnestly-- and making known your particular and specific need with thanksgiving let your requests, petitions and what's required be known to God.
7: And the peace--the ONE peace, quietness, rest--of God, which surpasses comprehension, understanding, & intellect, shall guard your hearts--the seat of your desires, feelings, affections, passions and impulses--and your minds perceptions, intellect and thoughts in Christ Jesus.
I know all you English majors out there are dying to make grammatical corrections. I am, too, if truth be told. But I wanted to leave it in the raw state that I found it.
We all have similar needs when it comes to prayer--here are mine. Perhaps you will find that they echo yours...
PRAY:
That I will follow God's will--and that it be without fear. I don't want to go where He doesn't want me and I don't want to stay in a place He has not prepared for me.
That I will feel God's guidance as I take the very tricky steps tomorrow. That the words I use will be pleasing to God and that they reflect His will, not my desires.
For God's provision--no matter which direction I go. If I stay, that he will give me a job that will meet my needs and glorify him in the process. If I go, that He will provide for Wally (sadly, my biggest concern!) and for my unknown needs while glorifying Him.
Finally, pray my heart will be filled with hope and joy, not fear and discouragement. I know which ever way I go, it will be hard. But, like Psam 73:26 says, "My flesh and my heart may fail, But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
Last week, my mom had heart surgery. She has lived with her heart in constant a-fib for about the last 12 years or so. Her heart was beating so fast and out of rhythm, I imagine it was like running full speed everyday. All day. Finally she and her doctor decided enough was enough. She went in on Wednesday morning and came out with a new pace maker. There were lots of other more complex things that happened, but I will save those for another day!
When the surgery was over, her doctor, Dr. Hanna, came into the room and said that she did great (we knew she would!) and that she would be back in the room in 5-10 minutes. So, we anxiously waited. And waited. And sent out the requisite emails and text messages to family. And waited some more. Two hours later, they rolled her into the room, still quite drowsy-drunk from the anesthesia. I jokingly said that she was definitely here in 5-10 minutes--we just didn’t know when to start the count down!
I felt like that a lot this month. I’ve been waiting--waiting for God to answer--and I knew He was going to do it, I just didn’t know when. Apparently, my 5-10 minutes were up today @ 2:30 (give or take!). I lost my job. OK, I know where it is, so I didn’t actually lose it. It was taken from me. Without my permission and definitely without my cooperation. And in fear, I jumped on the first thing that came my way. In Budapest. Hungary. In Europe. And the process, at first, went really quickly. Before I knew it, I was being sent a contract in the mail. Fortunately, they require a face to face interview before hiring a prospective teacher. I couldn’t go there, and they couldn’t get here until this week. Tomorrow, to be exact. Without realizing it, God gave me the gift of time--He gave me my 5-10 minutes.
I have had a month to agonize over this decision. I have prayed. I have asked my family to pray. I have asked my friends to pray. I have read God’s word. I finally made a decision. I was going to go. Pack my bags, park Wally over at my parents until he could travel and I was off. Except I wasn’t feeling OK about it. I didn’t feel good about this decision. But I justified that it MUST be what God wants--it is the only door open to me. I have to pursue it since it is available. But I still didn’t want to tell anyone about it. I wasn’t ready. When asked by a friend about why I wanted to go, I told her it was because someone finally appreciated me. Really? So my 30 pieces of silver is appreciation?
So today at 2:30, I was on my way home from Sunday dinner and I was all of a sudden over come with unease. That is too weak a term for it, but that is what it was, just a LOT stronger. I just knew out of nowhere that I was about to make a terrible mistake. I felt like I was having a panic attack. I was crying (which for those of you who know me know that isn’t a big deal!) and I was doubting everything. I knew, in an instant, that I was about to make a huge mistake. God’s timing was perfect--he came in just the nick of time.
So I got home and called my mom. We talked for over 40 minutes. She kept telling me to seek God. I kept saying that all I wanted was to follow the path of obedience. But I don’t know what that path looks like for me. It has been the most agonizing afternoon of my life--the end the most agonizing month of my life. I have not been at peace--true peace--the Philippians 4:6-7 peace in a while. So I started to look at those verses and write it out using additional words to help me understand better what God is saying. My friend Ramsi challenged me to do this a while ago--it took some getting to! So here is Philippians 4:6-7:
6: Without delay (immediately!), be anxious, worried, fretful, or concerned for nothing--NOT EVEN ONE THING--but in everything by prayer--praying earnestly-- and making known your particular and specific need with thanksgiving let your requests, petitions and what's required be known to God.
7: And the peace--the ONE peace, quietness, rest--of God, which surpasses comprehension, understanding, & intellect, shall guard your hearts--the seat of your desires, feelings, affections, passions and impulses--and your minds perceptions, intellect and thoughts in Christ Jesus.
I know all you English majors out there are dying to make grammatical corrections. I am, too, if truth be told. But I wanted to leave it in the raw state that I found it.
We all have similar needs when it comes to prayer--here are mine. Perhaps you will find that they echo yours...
PRAY:
That I will follow God's will--and that it be without fear. I don't want to go where He doesn't want me and I don't want to stay in a place He has not prepared for me.
That I will feel God's guidance as I take the very tricky steps tomorrow. That the words I use will be pleasing to God and that they reflect His will, not my desires.
For God's provision--no matter which direction I go. If I stay, that he will give me a job that will meet my needs and glorify him in the process. If I go, that He will provide for Wally (sadly, my biggest concern!) and for my unknown needs while glorifying Him.
Finally, pray my heart will be filled with hope and joy, not fear and discouragement. I know which ever way I go, it will be hard. But, like Psam 73:26 says, "My flesh and my heart may fail, But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Jeremiah 29:11
Quite a few years ago when I first went to Korea, I was in a short-lived bible study with some friends. We took turns leading and for me (when it was my turn to lead!) it was disastrous! But one day one of the girls in the study, Sarah Carpenter, read us a bible verse (I wish I had copied!) that she had put into her own words. I imagined that God was sitting across from her taking each part if the verse and explaining each nuance to her-what the word meant in its original Greek or Hebrew.
So here I am quite a few years later, struggling to see what exactly God means when He is speaking to me. I think that's a life-long quest. Anyhow, I'm at a cross roads in my life. Doing what I've always done may not be an option next year. I could lose my job. I'm scared. I had dinner with my good friend Sasha last week and she gave me a list of Satan’s lies and the scriptures that defeat those lies. Her parting command as we left dinner that evening was "Read these verses every day, Jenny Cooper!" So I have been.
And I still don't get them--not fully. So today, I sat rereading Jeremiah 29:11 and I told God over and over again, "I just don't get it!". Suddenly I remembered Sarah writing the verse so many years ago, so I grabbed my new bible and got to work. I looked at each word and looked up almost every word. Some words (though I don't know why I'm shocked) change slightly-or significantly-depending on its part of speech. So I looked and prayed and came up with this:
Jeremiah 29:11 (in words I get):
'For I know your heart entirely and discern the cunning and curious works I have woven for you,' proclaims the Lord. 'Plans for welfare, good fortune, and to flourish, and not for calamity, inherent evil, failure or misery, to give you a future, an end, & a hope and expectation.'
The first part was the hardest for me to figure out and get. It seems like it might not be that hard. But it was! This verse stats out with a lot of power: 'I KNOW' Wow. I have always looked at this as more informational--I know what time I wake up, I know what I need at the store… I looked up the word know in the Hebrew translation and it had what you might expect-discern, perceive, confess, etc. But at the very bottom it said that this word is usually used to express how God "knows your heart entirely" or to know relationally. Hmmm...
OK, so not only does God know... But He knows my heart so entirely that only HE can know the perfect plan for my life-but not just a plan, a cunning plan that He has for me-but not just has for me but that He has fabricated and woven for me. With purpose, design and function in mind. God doesn't make mistakes.
And this plan He has for me?! Well, it's a good plan. A plan of welfare, good fortune, and to flourish. Good as in the sense that only God is truly good. That kind of good. Now I'm not spouting Joel Ostein theology here-don't make that mistake! But I'm thinking the theology that says, "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28). The best kind of good.
Not plans that end in calamity, misery, failure or (here it comes...) FEAR! Those are ALL tools of Satan. In Gods goodness, Satan cannot abide. John chapter 15 speaks very clearly about who can and will abide in Him. Nowhere do you see calamity, misery, failure or fear. Jesus said it best--as he always does!--
5"I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.”
To me, the last eight words of that verse would be calamity, misery, failure and fear. But abiding in Him=welfare, good fortune and to flourish.
And finally, a future--and end--and hope and expectation. The end result is a future filled with hope and expectation. Hope and faith are two totally different things--in fact, Sasha is the one who posed that question to me at dinner… and I still don’t have my mind wrapped around that one! But to live life knowing that my end--my future!--is filled with hope and expectation… that is awe-inspiring. Jesus is my hope, my expectation, my future… my end.
I don’t know where I am heading next--I am very hopeful I will still be teaching at East Elementary School. BUT, if that isn’t God’s plan… well then… I don’t want to be like the Israelites--sitting outside the promise land thinking, “This looks pretty good. I think I want to stay here…” I want to be like Caleb and Joshua and say, “Let’s go! We can do it--God’s promised it!” I want to live in the land of milk and honey…. and live in worship of my Hope, my Future, my End.
So here I am quite a few years later, struggling to see what exactly God means when He is speaking to me. I think that's a life-long quest. Anyhow, I'm at a cross roads in my life. Doing what I've always done may not be an option next year. I could lose my job. I'm scared. I had dinner with my good friend Sasha last week and she gave me a list of Satan’s lies and the scriptures that defeat those lies. Her parting command as we left dinner that evening was "Read these verses every day, Jenny Cooper!" So I have been.
And I still don't get them--not fully. So today, I sat rereading Jeremiah 29:11 and I told God over and over again, "I just don't get it!". Suddenly I remembered Sarah writing the verse so many years ago, so I grabbed my new bible and got to work. I looked at each word and looked up almost every word. Some words (though I don't know why I'm shocked) change slightly-or significantly-depending on its part of speech. So I looked and prayed and came up with this:
Jeremiah 29:11 (in words I get):
'For I know your heart entirely and discern the cunning and curious works I have woven for you,' proclaims the Lord. 'Plans for welfare, good fortune, and to flourish, and not for calamity, inherent evil, failure or misery, to give you a future, an end, & a hope and expectation.'
The first part was the hardest for me to figure out and get. It seems like it might not be that hard. But it was! This verse stats out with a lot of power: 'I KNOW' Wow. I have always looked at this as more informational--I know what time I wake up, I know what I need at the store… I looked up the word know in the Hebrew translation and it had what you might expect-discern, perceive, confess, etc. But at the very bottom it said that this word is usually used to express how God "knows your heart entirely" or to know relationally. Hmmm...
OK, so not only does God know... But He knows my heart so entirely that only HE can know the perfect plan for my life-but not just a plan, a cunning plan that He has for me-but not just has for me but that He has fabricated and woven for me. With purpose, design and function in mind. God doesn't make mistakes.
And this plan He has for me?! Well, it's a good plan. A plan of welfare, good fortune, and to flourish. Good as in the sense that only God is truly good. That kind of good. Now I'm not spouting Joel Ostein theology here-don't make that mistake! But I'm thinking the theology that says, "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28). The best kind of good.
Not plans that end in calamity, misery, failure or (here it comes...) FEAR! Those are ALL tools of Satan. In Gods goodness, Satan cannot abide. John chapter 15 speaks very clearly about who can and will abide in Him. Nowhere do you see calamity, misery, failure or fear. Jesus said it best--as he always does!--
5"I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.”
To me, the last eight words of that verse would be calamity, misery, failure and fear. But abiding in Him=welfare, good fortune and to flourish.
And finally, a future--and end--and hope and expectation. The end result is a future filled with hope and expectation. Hope and faith are two totally different things--in fact, Sasha is the one who posed that question to me at dinner… and I still don’t have my mind wrapped around that one! But to live life knowing that my end--my future!--is filled with hope and expectation… that is awe-inspiring. Jesus is my hope, my expectation, my future… my end.
I don’t know where I am heading next--I am very hopeful I will still be teaching at East Elementary School. BUT, if that isn’t God’s plan… well then… I don’t want to be like the Israelites--sitting outside the promise land thinking, “This looks pretty good. I think I want to stay here…” I want to be like Caleb and Joshua and say, “Let’s go! We can do it--God’s promised it!” I want to live in the land of milk and honey…. and live in worship of my Hope, my Future, my End.
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